Living the “will” of my “heart”!

Before I graduated from high school my girlfriend was killed and I survived. I was the driver; we were hit by a drunk driver 37 years ago. At 16 years of age living through a near death experience and fatality was emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically traumatizing. I will never forget this part of my life, writing about it today brings back vivid memories, from the moment of impact, to the ride in the ambulance screaming to the paramedic ôs she was barely breathing while hooked up to machines that were keeping her alive.

Needless to say my grades suffered, during this time my parents divorced so shortly after this accident I went to work to help my Mother take care of myself, and two siblings. I also became her sounding board, but before that I was Dad’s surrogate wife‐pretty big thing to put on a child!

I graduated from high school, but never knew if I was taken pity upon by my teachers in order to graduate with my class. I was in yet another car accident as a passenger and was knocked unconscious with a head injury that I survived just before our commencement ceremony had a huge lemon sized protrusion above my right eye with unbelievable bruising on my face. What a horrifying site and another memory, royal blue cap and gown, eyes swollen shut and bruising the best make up used for scarring couldn’t even cover. But I was alive!

Once free from high school I secured a job at a hospital working as a unit secretary. It was actually a fun job and I liked being an air traffic controller at a nurse’s station. A few of the doctors inspired me to think about going to nursing school in particular to be a surgical nurse because I was able to be so detached from things but I had this soft spot in my heart for the people who were admitted to the hospital on our nursing unit and enjoyed hanging out with them in their rooms, encouraging them to see life differently, getting them to talk about their family and passions, and somehow they always felt better after I left. I thought I wanted to go into the nursing field and actually looked into going in that direction, another chain of events occurred when I was 19 years of age. A man who started to rape me but I fought back grabbed my throat with both hands choking me while banging my head as hard as he could against the wall of a tiled shower. I was so frightened and remembered saying to myself while peeing in my pants I was scared I was going to die; however while starting to go unconscious or leaving my body in a split second someone opened the door to the bathroom and after what seemed like an eternity three people helped me off the floor as I lay there in a crumpled up fetal position to take me to the hospital. I survived the experience, however catapulted into another state of confusion about what the purpose was for my life along with why me? Soon after I discovered the way I was able to survive these tragic occurrences was I left my body. It’s what saved me three times in three years. This phenomenon is also why I was called to practice shamanism and teach to others.

The spiritual practice of shamanism which I am devoted to has supported me for many years and allowed me to be successful in many occupations. I was driven to succeed and my success was contingent on the houses I owned, the car I drove and the means to wear all the latest fashions. I had become a typical Corporate Executive in a booming high tech telecommunications company without a college education. I wasn’t satisfied, however knew I was gifted because my innate sense of seeing into the future as a visionary allowed me to achieve the success I had. I was dying inside and could no longer continue so two weeks after a soul retrieval I resigned my position and started a healing center that was focused on alternative healing practices and ways to bring spiritual aspects to others lives. I owned and operated the healing center and started Harmonic Visions serving others to live a self-actualized awakened life of confidence, clarity and creativity. I own Harmonic Visions today, but it is evolving as I continue to do my own personal work.

Three years ago due to the economic downturn I was forced to file bankruptcy, lost the city loft, reclaimed the healing center as my home and am now fighting for my house with the bank. The tenacity and skills I learned in business was part gift from my father and part street smarts I learned at such a young age in order to thrive at surviving, although I was devastated because I lost everything that defined me. I had a sudden epiphany through it all while on a shamanic journey and my non ordinary reality (NOR), teacher said it was time I go to college. Being 52 years of age, I had no idea why or where it would take me, so I started off with two art classes and a required Math class that was a pre-requisite for many others.

Little did I know how demanding, stressful and down right eye opening school was going to be, I have learned more about myself attending school then in any ‘spiritual’ class room aside from the class room in the ‘other worlds’ I go to often. I have healed deep wounds in many areas of my life I didn’t even know I had but have been rewarded in ways I am just now getting a glimpse of.

It has put me on a path towards developing my own ‘art therapy’ certification program, because I have experienced first-hand the therapeutic value in diving into the creative process along with the feelings of terror inside! School has given me a different goal and since attending I have developed two creative art practices that I bring into my current work. “Creativity comes from doing my own personal work and what is produced in whatever medium is just a by-product”! Now more than ever the creative process using whatever medium you resonate with is I the key to social change, tribal mentality and bringing back the soul of our culture. Our culture especially in the USA is not yours or mine it’s ours. We become what we believe in and find ways to honor similarities rather than differences. We allow the will of our heart to shine and invite others to join us along the way. We find the passion in what inspires us and allow it to go to the hidden places within our soul, which is crying out to express what we already know.

My Life purpose has changed to making a difference in the world, and focusing on the spiritual aspects of the creative arts process for personal development, awakening and transformation. This is a tall order! I do believe with the help and support of my NOR teacher and a team around me, it is something I can start, but not until I do so for myself. I have learned the devil is in the details. It’s not my way of being to break things down to such an anal sized view, but being in school the last two years I have actually discovered in order for me to learn, I have to have order around me! I ask way too many questions at times most people might be getting right away, but even asking the questions I have learned more and was grateful I was willing to put myself on the line to risk being foolish to get the answers I needed to be successful. This is not a skill you learn in school, although others would disagree. I believe it’s one of those ‘thriving to survive’ techniques learned from the school of ‘Hard Knocks’!